Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
