sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
