where does the pee come out of this thing
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize