At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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