I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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