Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize