his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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