1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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