How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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