Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
why is half of my head shaved?
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