I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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