i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
