He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
