if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
