I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
