Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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