she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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