looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
