all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
