So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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