got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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