I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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