My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
