I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
