I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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