I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
not ubering you a puppy
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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