You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
