people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
