I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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