My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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