i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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