I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
