he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
