My sheets look like a crime scene.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
