I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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