I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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