If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
