I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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