yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
