I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize