So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
