So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
