hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My vagina is officially offended.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
