How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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