Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize