did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm sobbing to NWA
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
