i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
