She is in my trunk
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
