if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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