he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
