THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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