I am puke
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
