You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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