Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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