those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm passing your future prison.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
