I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
