when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
