Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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