according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
