Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
