DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
