That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
