I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
