my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
