yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
