hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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